Thursday, June 2, 2011

After the Fact

So how am I feeling after our decision- now that it has been a few days. I feel no different now than I did a week ago, except I am glad I have no more treatments to dread. Now I have nothing to dread. I have peace, and I received a wonderful phone call from a friend who encouraged me by saying she thought I had made the best choice. That was encouraging! I know I made the right choice.
I don't think I have shortened my life with this decision- in fact, I may have lengthened my days. If I can start to feel a little better, that would give me more life I would think. So I don't see it as oh now we just sit around and wait for my death. No, I don't think that has been altered. When I feel my worst, I just want to go home to Jesus anyways. I will be faithful till my last day on earth.
The next steps are working on pallative care procedure. Yes, the "p" word. I was asked by my wife what I thought of that phase of my life. I am ok with that. These are people who care for their patients and they just want to make their patients as comfortable as possible. They are there to help me. They know how to do this, and I am sure they do it well.  Should I need hospitalization, my choice of care is Boundary Trails. It gives my biker friends a reason to make a trip on their bikes (should it come to that).
I would so much desire to get at least one spell of feeling stronger and feeling good enough to do something fun with Julia, like go to the races on bike at Grand Forks. My wife loves that kind of stuff. Especially if it is the World of Outlaws. But we will take it one day at a time and see what we can all do yet.
thanks for your prayers!

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