tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post1501403992411726725..comments2011-07-28T13:18:52.592-07:00Comments on Chuckles'HawgSquealings: Cop OutsChuck Friesenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659458095469938764noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-37818139191426946172011-06-21T18:43:01.631-07:002011-06-21T18:43:01.631-07:00It's a common thing to want to say something. ...It's a common thing to want to say something. If only I had the magic words and just be able to say them. Naw, that's not what it's about Kim. Job's friends were are their best when they said nothing. We know others cannot identify fully with our situation. They don't have to in order to be a help. They just need to listen and ask questions that show they are trying to enter your world. It's not rocket science but simple lego engineering. Thanks for your response, Kim. Chin up, lady, and let's be a servant to someone today.Chuck Friesenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09659458095469938764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-14982205788067072642011-06-21T05:41:02.963-07:002011-06-21T05:41:02.963-07:00I appreciate all the different feedback on this pa...I appreciate all the different feedback on this particular blog.... I must say that I have often used these lines... and most certainly not as a cop out. If I were to tell you that I understood exactly how you felt or what it must be like, you would think that was ridiculous..... so I come alongside Judy and Julia on this one. We really do mean well and want to be there and those words will often accompany this feeling. I also do not want to be afraid to talk to people for fear of saying the wrong things.... I think it is great to be made aware of what this might sometimes feel like in your shoes but in the same breath... one day these words might cause irritation and the next day those same words, might not affect us at all.... and then in those times to extend grace to people like us, who just want to be there for you....<br /><br />The one thing I have really appreciated Chuck, as I have spent some time with you, is that I do not have to be afraid to discuss any facets of your journey with you. You are honest and real... and thanks for all the ways you have challenged me personally and especially on a spiritual level.<br /><br />I pray for you and love you guys.....<br />KimKim Siemenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296355281316219229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-79812710637610440662011-06-13T04:10:17.227-07:002011-06-13T04:10:17.227-07:00If everyone would read what you said then I would ...If everyone would read what you said then I would not have anything else to add to it. I am blessed to have you as blood kin. Yes, people make a visit hard on them when they belabour what they are going to say. Wise words you use, Eldon. Thanks.Chuck Friesenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09659458095469938764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-32336794538736858812011-06-12T22:29:25.872-07:002011-06-12T22:29:25.872-07:00For some the words written will be offensive becau...For some the words written will be offensive because they are true! Sometimes people feel they MUST say something because...let me tell you from experience, the most encouraging people are those who just come along side. They speak when asked to they help where it is apparent help is required. Just being there, just sitting beside you, reading or praying silently. I rememeber those who would try to "cheer" me up, speak lots and lots of words, I remember more fondly those who just WERE THERE! <br /> <br />In our lifetime we will be confronted with times that will be our defining moments of how we show Jesus. He offended many, encouraged more and died to save us all (if we but believe)! He was not always "liked" and more often that not His actions and/or words offended the "norm"! <br />Chuck, you have touched many, many people by your interpretation of what the situation at hand required!. Don't ever change that!<br /><br />EldonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-88184986661895970142011-06-11T05:11:58.169-07:002011-06-11T05:11:58.169-07:00Ah yes, dealing with your husband. I don't kno...Ah yes, dealing with your husband. I don't know how you do it, especially when he sticks out his neck like this. I still feel strongly the way I did when I wrote the blog, but perhaps I can polish the stone a bit. For me it's just important that I get the feeling the other person is seeking to get into my world- knowing full well they may not attain that goal. But knowing they are trying is all a hurting person wishes. The best way to allow yourself to get into the other person's life is to let them talk and talk and talk.<br />Your loving husbandChucknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-16427224601897202422011-06-10T10:32:04.775-07:002011-06-10T10:32:04.775-07:00I normally do not repsond to these blogs, but sinc...I normally do not repsond to these blogs, but since Chuck & I spoke about this yesterday, here is my opinion:<br /><br />I have most likely said some of these things to people in the past. The reason I would make a comment like that is because I would not want to minimize the situation they are going through. I feel FOR them but cannot feel WITH them.<br /><br />Chuck (My Dear Husband) the commments you made make me afraid to say things to people because I might say the wrong thing.<br /><br />When I hear comments that strike me the wrong way I choose to believe that the people are saying something nice, it might just not be coming out right in my opinon.<br /><br />We cannot make people say things in a certain way, but we can choose to take them (understand them) a certain way.<br /><br />Your loving wife.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-43297598905635342602011-06-10T07:56:35.229-07:002011-06-10T07:56:35.229-07:00Thanks Curt and Judy for your responses. I re-read...Thanks Curt and Judy for your responses. I re-read my post, and I think I have not stated anything that I need to take back. I may have missed the reasons why people say the "cop out" statements, but I think I am pretty close to knocking it out of the park too. I hope people read the entire post. I am afraid they may not read much past line 7 without already having formed their opinion on the matter, and therefore don't really hear what I have to say past line 8. Judy, you are so right. People mean to say the best wishes for us, but in so doing they blow it royally. Yep, just love them anyhow- they never meant to hurt us. Judy, my post is filled with suggestions and encouragement on how to approach a hurting person, and the example of my friend at the end of the post is what I wish everyone did.<br />Curt, your words leave me with nothing to say except thanks for entering my world of puke, chemo, crap and pain. You are priceless.Chuck Friesenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09659458095469938764noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-62668346066311476292011-06-09T23:20:35.575-07:002011-06-09T23:20:35.575-07:00Wow Chuck...I disagree that people use this statem...Wow Chuck...I disagree that people use this statement as a cop out. I think alot of them say it out of respect. They don't know what your world of cancer, death, chemo and vomiting is and don't want you to think that they do, when they haven't gone through it. How many times have I wanted to comment on your posts and HOPE I say the right things? I have been so hurt by the things people have said to me after Andrew and Marj died...but I choose to believe they mean well and they do care. I would rather have my pain acknowledged than ignored. If you found a book or CD that gave you comfort wouldn't you want to share it with someone else who was suffering? I appreciate your honesty in your blogs...You're a brave man to share your feelings with all of us. Bob & I pray for you and Julia every day...May you find encouragement with every person you meet! ~JudyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8950443098038517833.post-80826166235541335592011-06-09T15:38:33.290-07:002011-06-09T15:38:33.290-07:00I can appreciate this Posting and am encouraged by...I can appreciate this Posting and am encouraged by it. There are probably those who might say, WHAT IS CHUCK ON? Why is he so negative? This is why I cannot stand consultants, or even sometimes analysts especially in hockey. For these are typically people who were not up to the task of being a professional hockey player, or excel in their professional field....so they turn analyst, giving advice to others in situations they may have failed in.<br /><br />Uncle Chuck I encourage you, that through this Posting, that you will find people you may have offended....but you may also find people who really GET IT....and will not shy away from continuing to bless you with their encouragement.<br /><br />REMAIN UP BEAT....EVEN WHEN YOU GET BEAT UP!<br /><br />CurtAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com